Another sleepless night...

I sometimes do stay up all night and think way too much. In my 3 decades being here, I have experienced some rough shit, but nothing that can't be dealt with through time and having a creative outlet.

This last go round though is proving to be more difficult than even I can deal with. You see, the man I was head over heels in love with (pun intended) committed suicide. We were no longer together, but I thought that if he got his shit together, then maybe one day, we would be. That will now never happen. The initial pain from it was so deafening that I couldn't do anything but block it out.

That lasted for a day. I found myself wrapped around my toilet crying and throwing up; not knowing why he did this or what brought him to this point. The manner in which he discussed this prior was always done in the least painful way possible. He didn't take that route. He chose to hang himself and have his partner find him and here lies the complexity of this whole issue.

The reason we initially ended our relationship was that simple fact.

Time had passed, but he didn't change his ways when we rekindled our relationship. The details of the last break-up are pretty clear cut. He enjoyed having his cake and eating it as well. For this I am truly sorry that I didn't end things earlier.

He had a sharp decent into insanity and I could not take that trip with him. For as much as life can sometimes be unbearable, things do and will get better. I wish he could have seen that. I wish he could have known how much he was going to be missed and could step away from the situation that ended his young life.

Will all the lies, it's so hard to see the truth and honesty in this. There isn't enough weed or drinks to make this hurt less. I have put myself on autopilot as to make it through the days and nights.

I will always love you, Shane. No matter where you are or where I wind up, know that I will always be your baby.

OK..

Now that THAT is out of my system for the time being, there are some things that I wanted to catch you up with. First, the show fell through..The promoter(s) decided to go with Donnie Klang and who knows if the show is still happening; either way I am not doing it.

The mini-ball fell through, but I got a new gig at Club Cafe and we are in the process of fine tuning it to tailor to what I do. Every Thursday from 8-1, you can catch yours truly VJing all of the hits from when CC opened and adding in special touches of gaydom.

Also, back at Fenway Park for this season, but with the current mgmt. not sure how long I will continue to be there. I did make some good friends there and will miss them if i have to go, but if I go..It will be with a bang.

Anywho, some tracks to check out...

Took The Night - Chelley
Do It - Keri Hilson (Album Bonus Track)
Fertilizer - James Fauntleroy

More to come..ttys

L'amour, L'amour!

What is love? Is it what was written in 1st Corinthians? Or is it the joy you feel when you are around someone who gets you...how they make your feel and how you want make them happy? Whatever it is, it's struck me once again. Fuck, I wish i could just write another blog about music or movies, but I am in it, children. The thought of this person makes my heart skip and want to do things that would make Anne Sprinkle (google her) blush.

To that special person, I would love to spend as much time as possible with you and talk, watch movies, listen to music, and have the most amazing body altering, mind bending, soul searching sex.

I figured I would put it out in the universe. You know who you are hopefully. If not, you will find out very soon!

Some Exciting News...

A friend of mine has been asked to open up for Bobby Valentino in May and I will be performing with him. This is a great opportunity and I will keep y'all posted as soon as the details are finalized.

Also, Bobby V's (The Rebirth) and Ryan Leslie (Self-Titled) albums dropped yesterday. Cop em, great additions to your music collection.

Movie wise, your boy has been catching up on his flicks and has a movie recommendation.


Friday the 13th:
Saw this on Monday and if you are up for a great scare this coming weekend, this is the movie to watch. (SPOILER ALERT)I will put it like this...5 people catch it before the real movie starts. Sex, drugs, and machete wielding psychos. A great addition to the series.


That's it for now. Almost forgot, doing a mini ball at Machine on March 1st. Will load the flyer up ASAP! TENS ACROSS THE BOARD!!

Bitter like a lime in salt dipped in vineger!

There are very few things that sting like losing a partner. Someone you can confide in and believe has your best interests at heart. That level of betrayal brings the worst out in people and it has in yours truly. All I have to say is this....look at the picture above..nuff said!!!

As the year comes to a close...

Hey y'all,
As we draw closer to the end of 2008, I have been taking inventory in what the year has brought and what is looming on the horizon. Things have been topsy-turvy in the past year and some major growth has taken place for me on a personal and spiritual level.

Reuniting with loved ones and reaffirming my faith in most of what humanity has to offer is positive have been my personal missions for the year. What has also been on the agenda as of late is not allowing those who would bring unneeded strife and bullshit to affect my life and lives of those I love.

So the motto for 2009 is...If you are blocking my progress, prepared to get rolled over and left behind.

P.S.
A very special thank you to all of those who came to the last 2 events I had at Machine here in Boston. Small steps lead to big journeys.

One love, y'all. See you in 2009.

-Sun One aka Buck Foston

I guess y'all had a good time...

cause a bitch is back on the 27th!!