Jumpy

Well, it begins again. The loss of appetite, the constant worrying, the fear of it all. It's not the college students coming back to Boston. It's the fact that I might wind up in the hordes of the newly homeless. 7 days ago, I received an eviction notice due to a promo job that was reported as being income. This has happened before and caused an agreement that I had to become null and void. Or so says the lovely people that run this apartment complex.

I am more angry than anything. I have managed to get together the funds to pay it off, but I am worried that I might still be out on my ear. The process is long (thank god) to get to that point and I will have found another place to stay. In all honesty, I am glad this happened. This neighborhood is volatile and toxic. One of the many vestiges that need to be shed in order to start a new.

The sore spot is that my family has been in this neighborhood since the end of slavery and I feel it's an end to an era. I can only hope that my mother is looking down and saying it's o.k. to let go of this place. Life is bigger than this block, and I am remaining steadfast that I will now be able to being again and start off with a clean slate.

A final note, for any of my other folks that are living in HUD housing....get out while you can. Anyway how, just do it.

Off to spin away the problems of the day..

Talk soon,
Buck Foston (Jason)

well hello...

it's been a while since my last post, but here are the long and short of things.
-i have cried myself to sleep every night racked with guilt and regret.
-i started smoking weed again to deal with problems (which now i am abstaining from)
- the guys i like still don't like me and want to have nothing to do with me unless it's sexual (and most times; not even then).
- i went to me and shane's special place today and was reminded at every turn that i miss him and wish he was there to experience it with me.
- i have a gum infection and need to get it treated asap.
- that i am alone and love will not come back to me anytime soon.
- that there is nothing more painful than losing someone to suicide.
- that i need to get my shit together and pick up the pieces for the umpteenth time in a row.
- that i love me more than anyone else.

that is all
-jason aka buck foston

One Pride Gig Down...3 to go!

There is a special feeling in the city this week. Aberzombies are getting their highlights, Baby Dykes are pressing their button ups, Drag Queens are roaming the city in full regalia..It's PRIDE Week in the (insert Menino mumbel here)cityofboston. This would be Pride no. 5 for me and to be honest, I am kinda over it.

If there was either more of a party vibe and/or more of what PRIDE is actually about, it might be a bit more interesting. As for now, it's parties, marches, and assorted other shit. This is a particularly busy time for me; getting back into djing and finding a new audience to play to. That part is exciting and scary at the same time. But, after this weekend, I will be o.d.'ing on all things queer......

That is until I jump on the bus and go to NY Pride..Heeey!

Last night @ Umbria, the girls had a good time and that is all that matters. I had some tech issues, but then I always do. As long as the ladies enjoyed themselves, my problems fall by the wayside.

Tonight, it's DISCO DIVAS at Club Cafe. So this should be interesting...Let's see how this plays out.

Another sleepless night...

I sometimes do stay up all night and think way too much. In my 3 decades being here, I have experienced some rough shit, but nothing that can't be dealt with through time and having a creative outlet.

This last go round though is proving to be more difficult than even I can deal with. You see, the man I was head over heels in love with (pun intended) committed suicide. We were no longer together, but I thought that if he got his shit together, then maybe one day, we would be. That will now never happen. The initial pain from it was so deafening that I couldn't do anything but block it out.

That lasted for a day. I found myself wrapped around my toilet crying and throwing up; not knowing why he did this or what brought him to this point. The manner in which he discussed this prior was always done in the least painful way possible. He didn't take that route. He chose to hang himself and have his partner find him and here lies the complexity of this whole issue.

The reason we initially ended our relationship was that simple fact.

Time had passed, but he didn't change his ways when we rekindled our relationship. The details of the last break-up are pretty clear cut. He enjoyed having his cake and eating it as well. For this I am truly sorry that I didn't end things earlier.

He had a sharp decent into insanity and I could not take that trip with him. For as much as life can sometimes be unbearable, things do and will get better. I wish he could have seen that. I wish he could have known how much he was going to be missed and could step away from the situation that ended his young life.

Will all the lies, it's so hard to see the truth and honesty in this. There isn't enough weed or drinks to make this hurt less. I have put myself on autopilot as to make it through the days and nights.

I will always love you, Shane. No matter where you are or where I wind up, know that I will always be your baby.

OK..

Now that THAT is out of my system for the time being, there are some things that I wanted to catch you up with. First, the show fell through..The promoter(s) decided to go with Donnie Klang and who knows if the show is still happening; either way I am not doing it.

The mini-ball fell through, but I got a new gig at Club Cafe and we are in the process of fine tuning it to tailor to what I do. Every Thursday from 8-1, you can catch yours truly VJing all of the hits from when CC opened and adding in special touches of gaydom.

Also, back at Fenway Park for this season, but with the current mgmt. not sure how long I will continue to be there. I did make some good friends there and will miss them if i have to go, but if I go..It will be with a bang.

Anywho, some tracks to check out...

Took The Night - Chelley
Do It - Keri Hilson (Album Bonus Track)
Fertilizer - James Fauntleroy

More to come..ttys

L'amour, L'amour!

What is love? Is it what was written in 1st Corinthians? Or is it the joy you feel when you are around someone who gets you...how they make your feel and how you want make them happy? Whatever it is, it's struck me once again. Fuck, I wish i could just write another blog about music or movies, but I am in it, children. The thought of this person makes my heart skip and want to do things that would make Anne Sprinkle (google her) blush.

To that special person, I would love to spend as much time as possible with you and talk, watch movies, listen to music, and have the most amazing body altering, mind bending, soul searching sex.

I figured I would put it out in the universe. You know who you are hopefully. If not, you will find out very soon!

Some Exciting News...

A friend of mine has been asked to open up for Bobby Valentino in May and I will be performing with him. This is a great opportunity and I will keep y'all posted as soon as the details are finalized.

Also, Bobby V's (The Rebirth) and Ryan Leslie (Self-Titled) albums dropped yesterday. Cop em, great additions to your music collection.

Movie wise, your boy has been catching up on his flicks and has a movie recommendation.


Friday the 13th:
Saw this on Monday and if you are up for a great scare this coming weekend, this is the movie to watch. (SPOILER ALERT)I will put it like this...5 people catch it before the real movie starts. Sex, drugs, and machete wielding psychos. A great addition to the series.


That's it for now. Almost forgot, doing a mini ball at Machine on March 1st. Will load the flyer up ASAP! TENS ACROSS THE BOARD!!

Bitter like a lime in salt dipped in vineger!

There are very few things that sting like losing a partner. Someone you can confide in and believe has your best interests at heart. That level of betrayal brings the worst out in people and it has in yours truly. All I have to say is this....look at the picture above..nuff said!!!